Hey Friends! It’s your girl SoulQueenWu, The Self Love Enthusiast with another healing practice. As Valentine’s Day is right around the corner many of us are in different predicaments. Some of us are celebrating this day with someone we love. Some of us are experiencing this day with someone we are dating for the first time! Some of us will be not be participating in this day at all for personal reasons i.e had a recent breakup, there’s no bae around, you don't support the consumerist and capitalist agenda behind Valentine’s Day and are boycotting this day for the revolution! MORE POWER TO YA!
Or some of you may be like me and are going to intentionally take your own self on a date for the first time on Valentine’s Day!!
Y’all, I am so excited for this day! I gotta WHOLE SHABANG planned OKAY! I have a date night planned with a candlelit dinner. Then I will take a rose petal bath with scented candles. Next, I will take the time to moisturize my body with my vanilla & mango Shea-Butter from market116. After that, I am going to turn on my red light lamp. Put on my sex playlist called “MY BODY IS MINE” you can find it here! After that, I am going to engage in a loving, compassionate, intentional, lovemaking session with my sex toys! And I am so very excited about this occasion. It’ll be my first intentional Valentine's Day Date with myself.
It is very important that I say that this is an act of self-love. It is an act of self-care. This is a healing, loving, and affirming ritual. I am not sharing this to be provocative. I am not sharing this to make a statement. I am sharing this because I love myself and have done the intentional work to nurture and create a healthy sexual relationship with myself. This is my affirmation of the fact that I don’t need anyone’s permission to participate in this practice of self-love and healing.
It's quite amazing actually! This is the first time in my life that I am actually committing to enjoying myself. I am enjoying intentionally getting to know me academically, intellectually, romantically, sensually, spiritually, sexually, gracefully, and compassionately. It's everything. It's everything (a second time for dramatic effect.)
I am going to share details about the logistics of supplies and practices for this night, just in case you’re looking for some inspiration for your own date. First I’d like to share how I got to this point of comfort with my sexuality and sexual expression.
SHAMELESS PLUG! HOLD UP!! Please register for the CONVOS THAT H.E.A.L. My Sexuality is Sacred *For Black Women Only* PART II. Registration is $15.00. Your registration includes the first recording PART I. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS! CLICK HERE!
I am a survivor of sexual child abuse. This reality has contributed heavily to my diagnosis of Depression and Anxiety. I battled with depression and anxiety since I was 14 years old. I didn’t have a name for this reality until I was 24 years old when I went to therapy for the first time. It was in that space that I began to unpack sexual trauma and the effects that it has had on my life. As I talked it out and processed my experience I began reading more about human sexuality and diving deep into what healthy sexuality looks like from a Black Woman of Christian Faith.
As anyone can imagine, at the beginning of nurturing a healthy sexual relationship with myself I struggled a lot with what this meant from a Christian cultural perspective. It was tough in the beginning but something that helped me reimagine my sexual experience in God was setting boundaries and getting adequate information from educated resources about Black Women Sexuality. I will link some of those people and resources that have helped me to embrace my whole self gracefully, lovingly, compassionately, sensually, sexually, and intentionally! ALL BELOW.
After much prayer and consideration, I owned my divine right to protect myself by setting a clear boundary for myself and my sexuality: If someone is not a black woman sex educator, sex therapist, sex-positive minister, or my therapist, they do not have ANY PERMISSION, WHAT-SO-EVER to impose their ideas or beliefs about what I should do with MY BODY and MY SEXUALITY. I am open to hearing what conclusions people have come to for themselves and how it works for them but it stops there.
Standing in this boundary has opened up an entire world of compassion, love, education, and shameless orgasms that I am so grateful for! And that’s on PURD! Okay, enough about me, let’s get into the logistics of this Valentine’s Day, Date Night!
Bubble Bath: https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Teals-Soaking-Solution-Lavender/dp/B07DNMZ7XN/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=body+bubble+bath+dr+teal&qid=1612468623&sr=8-4
Rose Petals: CVS flowers
Scented Candle: https://www.sinceresessions.com/shop
MY BODY IS MINE Playlist (a lot of Trey Songz LOL) :
WATCH YOURSELF, TOUCH YOURSELF:
Be sure to take your time with your body. If you grew up in an African/African American household you have more than likely been raised with very rough baths and moisturization lol. I get the intent was to ensure that we were clean and moisturized but the action is not the best. It is important to be gentle with yourself as often as possible. In this case, take the time to allow the shea butter (or whatever moisturizer you have) to melt through your hands. When you begin to touch yourself set the intention to make your body feel loved, warm, sexy, and affirmed. Say or think kind statements to yourself ie:
"I am so beautiful"
"I feel so good"
"I am so sexy"
"I am so lovely"
Here are the sex toys I will be using on the night of:
G SPOT Vibrator
Here are some links that to stores where you can buy your sex toys:
Here are some tips to maximize your Love Making Session:
Articles that will get you together!
I know there is someone reading this and feeling all kinds of shame and discomfort right now. STOP! I won't go into a whole dissertation about Black Women and sexuality but I will invite you to please register for the "CONVOS THAT H.E.A.L.: My Sexuality is Sacred" PART II *FOR BLACK WOMEN ONLY* Your registration includes the recording of the first event where we sexologist break down the stigmatization of Black women sexuality. I strongly believe informed and educated perspectives will help you with some of the discomfort you may be feeling.
Well, Friends, That’s all I have for you, for now. Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read this. My prayer is that this provides you with some perspective, unravels some self-sabotaging narratives in your head, makes you curious about nurturing a healthy sexual relationship with yourself!
Please support me and this important healing work by purchasing a shirt from the IAHCOLLECTION
For Black Women Survivors of Sexual Trauma Here is an amazing course created by and faciltated by a sex-positive and sensual faith Womanist Pastor: Pastor Bae “Lyvonne Proverbs Briggs” https://lyvonnep.podia.com/healing